all by myself

When you’re a working mom, moments alone–like, no kids, no husband, no pets, no work–are few and far between.

As I type this, I’m on a plane, by myself, headed east for a work trip for two nights. Two nights in a massive bed. Alone. Two nights with lots of cable channels. Two nights of eating whatever I want (healthy options, of course!) for dinner. I mean, I’m not really sure what I’m going to do with myself!So, now what? I read an entire issue of Real Simple, my traditional airplane treat. I’m enjoying the solitude of listening to old-school John Mayer (which I’m really into these days…take me back to college, John!) while feeling the sunshine on my face and drinking as much water as I can without having to go to the bathroom (because bothering people while sitting in the window seat and using airplane mini bathrooms are two of my least favorite things).

I got teary eyed this morning with my hubby. We are such a pack, our little family we’ve created, that–as liberating as it is to be alone–it’s also a little overwhelming. I will miss E’s silliness. She’s extra funny these days, making voices, faces, and trying to make me laugh. “I’m a funny guy!” she tells me.

I’ll miss George’s cozy companionship. My pup is the most loving little dog I’ve ever met. We’ve been trying to give him extra attention lately because we know his little sis takes a lot of our time. 

And to my hubby, who makes it possible for me to leave, I am grateful. I’ll miss his humor, his audible reactions to the Cubs on TV, how he religiously asks me how my day was. After 15 years together, he really is my partner in life. Being away from him helps me realize how much I lean on him (if only I could tell him in person!).

I love these work trips because they challenge me. To be the best I can be for my job. To realize my family can survive without me. To pause and reset–which is important for anyone and everyone to do.

Here’s to a productive and relaxing time away from home. I hope the Inn has HGTV….

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a peaceful moment

Today, for the first time in many, many months, I held my daughter while she was sleeping. It was so peaceful. I felt very protective, important in that moment. Making sure she was comfortable. Making sure she could get the rest she so needed. Keeping her safe.


I understand that not everyone chooses to be a mom, whether it’s to a child or a fur baby, and I respect that very much. For me, I think part of me always wanted to be a mom, and yet the thought was so scary. Fear of the unknown. I’m an anxious person, if you haven’t noticed yet.

Will I be a good mom? Will I be able to give a child a good life? Will she be happy? Will she be healthy? Will I be able to balance it all? Is now the right time? Is there ever a right time?

I still have many of these questions. Often. Just as others do, I’m sure. And now that Ellie is two, she is so not a baby anymore, and the questions have just increased.

Is she eating enough protein? Is she getting enough activity? How do I get her less interested in my phone? How many times will we listen to the Moana and Trolls soundtracks? 

More seriously, how will I be able to protect her when I’m not with her? How will I keep her safe from the negativity of the world?

I don’t have the answers yet, but I try my best to do what I think is right. To show Ellie what is means to be a strong woman. To brush it off when she falls down, but hug her as much as she’d like.

So, for as long as she’ll let me hold her, I will. And savor every moment of this day, snuggling my sweet daughter close.

june 25th

This day is such a blessed one. 

Six years ago, I was celebrating my brother- and sister-in-law’s lavish wedding celebration at the Rookery Building in Chicago. 


Last year, another fabulous wedding for my best friend and her hubby in the burbs. 


And two years ago, I was in the middle to end of a 25-hour labor with my bundle of joy at Prentice downtown. Yes, the last one was a little more uncomfortable than the first two. (Not going to share a photo here.)

When E turned one, I was so busy with the wedding and still in the thick of balancing work and baby and (trying to have a) life, that I didn’t feel as reflective as I am this year. 

I was in bed last night crying. Everyone has a story, and it’s not always easy. I was crying with gratitude. With happiness. 


My almost two-year-old little girl is happy and healthy and smart and sassy and funny and sweet and wild and…did I mention sassy? Oh my word, I know there are ups and downs, but let me tell you, this is the best ride I’ve ever been on.

All of the sleepless nights, the lack of a social life, the blow outs (and I don’t mean getting my hair done), the never ending colds, the random stains I discover on my shirt while at work, the crying that hurts your insides so deep…I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

June 25th. A day filled with lots of love. Filled with moments of new beginnings in marriage and life. Of excitement and nerves and anticipation of what’s to come. What a special day! Xo