a peaceful moment

Today, for the first time in many, many months, I held my daughter while she was sleeping. It was so peaceful. I felt very protective, important in that moment. Making sure she was comfortable. Making sure she could get the rest she so needed. Keeping her safe.


I understand that not everyone chooses to be a mom, whether it’s to a child or a fur baby, and I respect that very much. For me, I think part of me always wanted to be a mom, and yet the thought was so scary. Fear of the unknown. I’m an anxious person, if you haven’t noticed yet.

Will I be a good mom? Will I be able to give a child a good life? Will she be happy? Will she be healthy? Will I be able to balance it all? Is now the right time? Is there ever a right time?

I still have many of these questions. Often. Just as others do, I’m sure. And now that Ellie is two, she is so not a baby anymore, and the questions have just increased.

Is she eating enough protein? Is she getting enough activity? How do I get her less interested in my phone? How many times will we listen to the Moana and Trolls soundtracks? 

More seriously, how will I be able to protect her when I’m not with her? How will I keep her safe from the negativity of the world?

I don’t have the answers yet, but I try my best to do what I think is right. To show Ellie what is means to be a strong woman. To brush it off when she falls down, but hug her as much as she’d like.

So, for as long as she’ll let me hold her, I will. And savor every moment of this day, snuggling my sweet daughter close.

Advertisements

june 25th

This day is such a blessed one. 

Six years ago, I was celebrating my brother- and sister-in-law’s lavish wedding celebration at the Rookery Building in Chicago. 


Last year, another fabulous wedding for my best friend and her hubby in the burbs. 


And two years ago, I was in the middle to end of a 25-hour labor with my bundle of joy at Prentice downtown. Yes, the last one was a little more uncomfortable than the first two. (Not going to share a photo here.)

When E turned one, I was so busy with the wedding and still in the thick of balancing work and baby and (trying to have a) life, that I didn’t feel as reflective as I am this year. 

I was in bed last night crying. Everyone has a story, and it’s not always easy. I was crying with gratitude. With happiness. 


My almost two-year-old little girl is happy and healthy and smart and sassy and funny and sweet and wild and…did I mention sassy? Oh my word, I know there are ups and downs, but let me tell you, this is the best ride I’ve ever been on.

All of the sleepless nights, the lack of a social life, the blow outs (and I don’t mean getting my hair done), the never ending colds, the random stains I discover on my shirt while at work, the crying that hurts your insides so deep…I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

June 25th. A day filled with lots of love. Filled with moments of new beginnings in marriage and life. Of excitement and nerves and anticipation of what’s to come. What a special day! Xo

surprises when you least expect them

I grew up in a northwest suburb of Chicago. I didn’t really have any idea what farm life was like until I met Nate. Literally, I went to a farm in kindergarten and remember liking the chicks. Little did I know one day I would call a farm home!

I didn’t really think about where my food came from either. Farmers markets weren’t as popular as they are now. I loved going to the grocery store with my mom, and we ate on the healthier side, but I just didn’t think about it.

As a teenager, when my parents would go to buy flowers and plants and bushes in the late spring, I would ask to pick out one flower plant and would try to keep it alive. I always failed, and deemed myself the opposite of a green thumb.

Fast forward to meeting Nate. I remember one of the first times I went to Walnut Grove Farm, I posed for a photo with a cow; I was just so in awe. The spring and summers would come and go, and we would eat fresh veggies and fruits from the garden, something that was really foreign to me in the best way possible. 


As the years passed (we’ve been together for almost 15!), I’ve grown to appreciate respect the farm, and love the production gardens. We were married there almost six years ago, featuring mostly local vendors and the majority of the flowers were from the farm.

Fast forward even more to last weekend, when I pulled up probably 30 radishes and some green onions, picked fresh greens, and planted watermelons and squash to enjoy later this year.


There is something so gratifying about harvesting from a garden. It’s difficult for me to describe. I find such peace in it. And excitement. It just feels right.

Radishes, in particular, are super fun (I realize what a nerd I sound like right now, and I’m completely okay with it) because it’s like a surprise with each radish. Is it mature enough? What color is it? Long and thin or short and plump? Will it be really sharp or mild in flavor? Not to mention they are beautiful.


Radishes now signify the beginning of the growing season (other than another new favorite–rhubarb!). It means a summer filled with fresh foods that my mother-in-law planted and hopefully I can harvest. Gardening is something I’m not sure I’ll be good at on my own, but I really hope one day Nate and I will have the land to have our own garden.


Teaching Eloise about the farm, the gardens, and about the foods she eats; getting her to eat a lot of fruits and veggies; and trying new foods are very important to us. 

Today, Ellie wanted blueberries instead of a bakery cookie. That to me was a small, simple parenting win. And I’ll take them however they come!

I’m so grateful she has the farm as her home away from home, and that’s all that she knows. It gives her balance from the hustle and bustle of the city, the ability to run and be free, and spend quality time with her family with home-cooked, home-grown meals. What could be better than that?