Best Friends Since the Beginning

Over the past nine and a half months, I’ve witnessed one of the most special things: Ellie becoming best friends with her pal, Graham.

Graham is the son of one of my best friends, Sandra, who I met when we were co-workers years ago. Sandra and I have laughed together, cried together (ok, so maybe it’s mostly me crying to her, honestly), vacationed together, enjoyed being pregnant together, and now our little ones spend lots of time together. 

What is so amazing to me is observing their friendship. Graham is a few months older, and definitely takes care of her, teases her, shows affection to her: all signs of a wonderful friend. Haha. 

What makes me so happy, though, is the way she waves her arms with excitement when we get to their house. And the look she gives him when they are together, totally content. Or how worn out she gets after being with him–thanks, G!

This weekend was Graham’s first birthday, and I’m feeling a little reflective. I’m grateful to know E and G have each other warms my heart like no other. To think that they are just starting to navigate this crazy world we live in and they can do it together? That’s pretty special. 

The cherry on top? I get to share it all with Sandra and our hubbies, too.  

Who Am I?

Today was one of those days you just want to redo.

There’s not enough time. Nothing is going your way. You’re hangry (hungry and angry). And there’s not enough coffee in a mile radius to wake you up.

Lately, I’ve been doing things that make me ask myself, who am I? Some of these things include:

  • Being forgetful. I forgot my phone today and felt completely lost. Maybe it was the massive diaper malfunction that caused us to have to give Ellie two (yes, two) baths this morning. Threw me off my game! As a result, I didn’t get the message our nanny would be late. I couldn’t call my mom because I didn’t know her phone number. I couldn’t check my email on my way home. It’s sad how dependent I am for this thing that I’m typing on right now.
  • Being late. I thought I was late before, but being in charge of another life makes you even more so. Sorry to anyone I ever have plans with.
  • Being emotional. I chalk this one up to my hormones being out of whack post-pregnancy and post-breastfeeding. I get frustrated all of the time. Mostly at myself. I realize how hard I am on myself, and it’s something I want to try to work on. 
  • Being absent-minded. I lose stuff all of the time. I kid you not, a few weeks ago I couldn’t find my apartment keys to save my life. I even messaged my landlord to check our surveillance cameras to see if I used them to get in my gate. I found them five minutes later in the bottom of my daughter’s laundry basket. I’ve also misplaced earrings, my credit card, and sunglasses…(Wait, is this the same as forgetful? Ha!)

I look at all of these things, and realize I know exactly who I am: I’m a mom now. All moms are different, and these are the traits that make me who I am. I hope some of the are temporary (did I mention I dug through City of Chicago trash and recycling cans to look for my keys?), but I just need to figure out how to survive in my new normal. Please be patient!

PS: I don’t write these posts for sympathy or attention, but more to show that if you’re a mom and can identify, you’re not alone! Or if you’re not, this is a glimpse into my reality (hope I don’t scare you!) Would love to hear what you think.

She’s Arrived! Meet the Newest Second City Gal 

It’s been a little more than eight weeks since I’ve posted, but I swear I have a good excuse. Nate and I welcomed the sweetest little girl into the world on Friday, June 26. She is healthy, happy, has a head of vibrant red hair with beautiful blue eyes like her daddy and a feisty personality like me. She already smiles, makes funny faces, and loves cuddles. She has stolen our hearts, and I am head over heels for her. She’s the newest Second City Gal: Ellie.

Now, it has been quite a roller coaster, and let me tell you: the highs are high and the lows are very low. No one can really prepare you for how stressful, anxiety-filled, life-altering (should I continue) those first few weeks are. You are mentally and physically exhausted. I cried when I was happy. I cried when I was sad. I cried when I didn’t know if I was happy or sad. I felt guilty for wanting to go to work because that would be easier than the mystery of motherhood (25 hours of labor–yes, 25–would be easier). I felt fragile, like I could break at any moment, and I did…a lot…yet I had to keep it together for this tiny human that I’ve been excited about for the past 10 months. I felt scared that I wasn’t as joyful as I thought I could or should be. 

One thing I did know was that I felt (and still feel) extremely grateful for everyone who texted, called, emailed, visited, sent a card, made food, brought/sent a card or gift, held her, and gave me the support I needed (still need). There’s nothing more special than sharing this experience with others.

People kept telling me it would get better. I stared at them blankly thinking, “When?” But it has. I’m definitely not out of the woods yet. I still feel vulnerable, but my confidence has grown. I’m starting to know Ellie more: what she needs and what she wants. It’s truly like getting to know a stranger who relies on you to survive. She is a good baby, and I feel blessed for that. 

I miss her when I’m not with her…her smile, her smell. I love the way our pup George protects his sis and kisses her toes. (I call us the three musketeers now because we are always together.) I look forward to the many adventures we will have as a family now. A family…it feels unreal to say. 

I daydream about what she’ll be like in five years, 10 years, 20 years. What she’ll look like. I hope she is a smart girl, a sweet girl. I hope she laughs a lot, and knows that she can come to me with anything and everything. I hope that she finds love in her life. I hope she has a good support system of friends. I hope she doesn’t grow up too fast. I hope she doesn’t stress too much. I hope she feels safe. 

I hope she knows I will do anything for her: I just want her to be happy. And know I will love her always. 

Love you, Ellie. You are everything. 

 xo. Mommy